Fic: The Effervescent Chlorine Submersion (9/15)

[fujiidom]

Title: The Effervescent Chlorine Submersion
Pairing/Character: Sheldon/Penny
Rating: MA
Summary: Almost drowning gives Sheldon some perspective, Penny suffers through the ups and downs of Life Debt as a cultural phenomena because of this.
Spoilers: Set around mid-to-late season two

Author’s Note: Hee, wherein I get to poke fun at Howard and Raj. Also: heed the MA rating, PLZ.

 

Chapter Nine:

Ω

Leonard and Sheldon left for work, shortly after their impromptu meeting.

There was construction on Los Robeles, so Leonard took Euclid.

This made Sheldon think of Penny and open his mouth to say so.

Sparing a sidelong glance over at his friend, he instead suggested naming comic book sidekicks in alphabetical order.

When they arrived, Sheldon flinched before walking through the door Leonard extended open for him (to avoid touching the handle, just like every morning.)

“Leonard, can we not tell the others just yet? I’d like, at the very least, one day of not having to deal with them, before breaking the news,” Sheldon gripped his messenger back and had his eyes focused on the wall behind his friend.

“I guess if that’s what you want, fine. Did you care this much about me finding out, too?” he replied, as the pair walked through the long corridors, in the direction of their offices.

“Well, yes,” the taller of the two answered somewhat surprised he needed to clarify. “It’s going to be more a little embarrassing, with high likelihood of being treated so dissimilarly.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean,” he frowned, “while none of us have had much lasting success neither romantically nor sexually with women, it’s going to be a bit awkward with me being the one to have a girlfriend,” he stressed the word girlfriend, still feeling skeptical that it was appropriate to use such a word in relation to himself.

“Sheldon, it’s not gonna be—,” Leonard tried to cut in, but was drowned out by Sheldon’s continued words.

“While this may seem like nothing more than a portion of cake to you, I’m a bit new at this,” he said, raising his voice a few octaves and giving a wide-eyed head tilt, before turning a corner.

“Sheldon, none of us have any room to talk, believe me. You’ve have nothing to worry about—Penny’s intelligent and gorgeous! Plus the guys both already know and like her, probably a little too much. What’s the problem?”

“You don’t imagine there’s going to be a vast amount of probing questions and subsequent harassment? I am positive that Howard is never going to leave me alone, as he didn’t when Penny rescued me from drowning. Only this time it’s bound to be markedly worse, since there’s much more incisive things to ask about now, instead of the previous inquiry as to whether I ‘could have slipped her the tongue’ in the midst of cardiopulmonary resuscitation.” Sheldon frowned and fished around for the key in his pocket. “I, for one, am not looking forward to it.”

“Well, mum’s the word,” Leonard made a locking motion with his hands over his mouth, as he opened his door.

“Actually, I was reading some anecdotal evidence the other day that Shakespeare, who originally ‘coined’ that term, meant for ‘mum’ to be taken as a sound. Similar to that of ‘mmm,’” Sheldon made a low humming noise, to illustrate, “a sound accompanying the act of closing ones mouth in silence.”

“Huh,” Leonard’s voice cracked, as he stepped inside without turning away from Sheldon.

“What?”

“Just pondering how unfair it is that I don’t own a video camera,” he knocked his head backwards, against his door, “or audio recording device.”

 “Actually, in a pinch, you could always use your cell phone. It has the ability to capture audio and video. Although the image quality and bit rate may be less sufficient than to that of your liking.” At Leonard’s look he added, “I read the manual when you first purchased it, because I knew you wouldn’t. Clearly, I made the correct judgment call, it’s a wonder you know how to turn it on and off,” Sheldon said pointedly.

“Yeah, you’re not going to be any different are you?”

“Any different, how?” Sheldon’s voice held a slight squeak of confusion and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “Anecdotally?”

“Never mind, Sheldon. I just don’t think the guys are going to have an easy a time bugging you about this, as you think.”

“Thank you, Leonard,” Sheldon responded while finally stepping into his own office.

Leonard let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a groan.

He wished his friend a good morning and shut the door before Sheldon could get in anything more.

Ω

A day later, Penny couldn’t wait to take the little rodent to task.

Sheldon had been putting up with way too much bullying over the ‘practical joke’ Howard had insisted that Sheldon’s admission of involvement with Penny was.  

He even demanded Leonard was in on it.

She had a double shift the night before, when Raj and Wolowitz originally found out. So, it wasn’t until the next day—after the guys got done work—that they’d be able to actually sit down and straighten things out.

Penny was sitting in their living room when Sheldon and Leonard arrived home.

“Are Howard and Raj not with you?” she gave a big frown at their negative responses. She’d have to change her plans around. “Damn, I was hoping to set things straight. Was it any better, today?”

“Depending on how funny you find childish trickery,” Sheldon tossed his bag onto the chair at his desk, acknowledging Penny’s angry look, “then no.”

He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a pair of water bottles.

“What happened?” she ground out in annoyance.

Leonard watched Sheldon casually hand a water bottle to Penny and proceed to sit down next to her, in his spot. That she had been sitting next to and left open.

How had these two planned on being secretive about anything?

How were his other friends having such a difficult time figuring this to be genuine?

He was feeling embarrassed that it had taken him so long, after watching the scene in front of him without comment.

“Howard taped a sign to his back that said ‘Ask me about my hot blonde girlfriend,’ with the girlfriend in quotation marks,” Leonard scowled, in remembrance.

He went over and got himself a water bottle, too.

“Oh, God,” Penny made a disgusted sound.

“Yeah, people mostly thought girlfriend was some creepy euphemism. It wasn’t taken off until I saw him again, for our drive home. He looked a little traumatized, had some really awkward conversations,” he took a gulp of water.

“Kripke asked me if ‘it’ was polyethylene or polyurethane based,” Sheldon interjected and shook his head upwards in humiliation.

“What type of plastic it was,” Leonard explained at Penny’s blank expression.

“Oh,” her lip pulled back in repulsion. “Well, it’s not that bad,” Penny started, trying to make him feel better about things.

“Well, I thought he was talking about the mug I was holding, at the time,” he put a hand to his head.

“So?”

“I told him it was neither. Informing him that it was, of course, bone china,” Sheldon croaked. “Also that it was part of a collection, passed down from my grandmother to my mother to me, because my sister didn’t want it.”

“Sheldon, that’s… terrible!” Penny was torn between her desire to laugh and to cuddle up next to him. She opted for the latter.

Then Leonard’s phone began buzzing and he excused himself to talk with Leslie.

Penny checked Sheldon’s watch, pulling his left arm up, towards her with ease. He remained slumped in defeat next to her.

She decided to put a different plan in motion, since Leonard’s unexpected absence was too good to pass up.

“Y’know, Sheldon, I would be happy to go back the office and talk to everybody about how sweet it is that you treasure your family heirlooms,” she craned her head up and gave his neck a few wet kisses, not having moved from her position cuddling against his torso.

He seemed much less concerned about his day, now.

He was still lying slacken leaning half over the armrest next to his spot on the couch, but now with his head snapped upwards in interest.

Penny’s hand was suddenly under his shirts playing with the small tufts of hair that let up to and away from his belly button.

“Or we could stay here and talk about other family ‘heirlooms,’” she whispered the last word throatily, giving him more sloppy kisses. 

Slipping her hand dangerously close to his belt, he could no longer resist leaning down and catching her mouth with his.

With all the encouragement she needed, Penny’s hand disappeared swiftly into his slacks, feeling around as he all but howled into her opened jaw.

Seeking somewhere to put his hands that wouldn’t be met with the cloying cotton of her long-sleeved, purple t-shirt—he found an opening near her lower back and slipped both hands up towards her shoulder blades.

He had to take a minute, as she eliminated yet another barrier between him and her hand, tilting his head away from her in time with the involuntary rolling backwards of his eyes.

He finally gained enough self control to resume kissing her. Her: his hot, blonde girlfriend.

With the sound of keys in her ears, Penny grinned evilly into the kiss.

She went about angling herself sideways a bit more to make it clear that Sheldon’s hands had begun roaming in places other than her upper back.

As expected, Howard and Raj walked right into the apartment—immediately dropping three pounds of Thai food on the ground.

They both looked to be having aneurysms, as Penny sat up slowly, feigning surprise.

Sheldon hadn’t seemed to notice their entrance and followed her gaze, a bit red in the face as he met his friends’ vacant stares.

She gave a short, sinister giggle, “OOPS! Come on, hot brunet boyfriend! Let’s take this to your bedroom!”

She grabbed Sheldon by the shirt and yanked him, grabbing the water bottles with her free hand.

Half a minute went by until Howard distantly uttered, “Ta ma duh.” His voice echoed throughout the now silent living room.

“Hey, guys?” Leonard greeted, walking up to them and looking confusedly between them and the plastic bags full of containers with mekrab and pad thai inside, on the ground.

He uncertainly bent down and grabbed the food, as the pair continued staring into space, facing the windows. “Okay, well I’m just going to take this and eat some of it. So, thanks for the, y’know, this,” he held the bags up in emphasis.

Still they stood frozen in place. As Leonard set himself up a plate, he was wondering why they were standing there frozen and where Sheldon and Penny had gone—when he heard a loud female groan echo through the hallway.

As creeped out as he was, on some level, it was sort of hilarious. Raj and Howard simultaneously tilted their bodies in the direction of Sheldon’s room, eyes widening even more.

 He let out a low laugh, “Yeah, you guys shouldn’t mess with Sheldon so much, anymore. She’s pretty much equal parts ruthless as him,” he let out another chuckle as he moved over to his chair and reached for the remote.

As soon as the television blinked on, the two snapped out of their hypnoses.

As Raj shook his head and went over to get his own noodles and stir fry, Howard abruptly turned around and bolted out the door.

“Didn’t you drive him here?” Leonard said, scowling over a forkful of chicken.

“No, and surely that’ll make his ride home that much more unpleasant. Scooters are uncomfortable enough, normally,” Raj replied, gruffly.

The two watched a rerun of Torchwood on Sci-Fi in silence. A short while later, the disheveled couple emerged from the bedroom and joined them, eating their share.

Penny stuffed herself and Sheldon full with Wolowitz’s unclaimed shrimp and fried rice, victoriously.

Ω